Becoming Of Age

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

On the 19th of July, last Saturday, I turned 21.


Apparently this is a big deal, but for me it just felt like another birthday. People keep saying how much of an "adult" I am, now that I've hit the big 2-1, I just don't really feel it. Maybe it's because in the United States when you turn 21 you're allowed to buy alcohol - yet in New Zealand I've been able to do that since I was 18 - or it's been traditionally thought of as you're old enough to have the key to the house - yet I've lived away from home since I was 18. I just don't feel any different; no sudden gain in maturity or independence, just another digit in my age has been changed.




Being in your early twenties, I feel like I'm in this "limbo age". I'm expected to be all grown up and mature, yet nobody wants to take me seriously because I'm still a child in their eyes. When I was in my early to mid teens, I felt like once I got to my twenties I would be this powerful woman with all this experience on my shoulders, but I just feel like I'm just as lost as I was back then, but with more responsibility.

I'm expected to understand bills and tax refunds, to have a well paid part time job that I am able to balance while studying full-time as well as balancing a relationship and social life at the same time. The if I dare ask or complain to someone older than me they just give me this look that says "I managed to do it all at your age" or something along the lines of I should have it all figured out for myself already. I feel so overwhelmed by everything going on, I'm surprised I still remember to feed and wash myself at times!

I don't know where I am going with this blog post, all I know is that now I am 21 everyone keeps saying how much of a grown-up I am but I 100% don't see it at all. In my mind, I'm that girl at eleven who is transitioning from primary school to college and everyone around me is so much bigger and smarter than me, rushing around doing their business and I'm still figuring out how on earth I got there. All I can say is I feel like I am stuck in the middle of not just a set of crossroads, but an entire city; there's so much to see, experience and learn in front of me.

- Louise x


photo cred to Ella Tait
excuse the crude decorating!

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4 comments

  1. I turned 30 this year, and honestly? That feeling of uncertainty and never really goes away. I think it's very common - I often see other people and think, wow, they have their shit together! Why can't I be like that? But when you talk to them it's not necessarily the case. Just keep on keeping on, find people you trust who can give you advice without giving you the stink eye, and you'll be fine :D my twenties were kind of a nightmare and I'm glad they're over - I'm a lot more certain of myself and content about where I am in life.

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    1. I feel like my twenties are the stepping stones for the rest of my life, lots of people seem to have things all figured out and I just think there's so much to do before I have any idea where I want to head!

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  2. I can still see the big old penis that you drew on the cake haha!! its there, its just hidden under all of the pretty haha xx

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